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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227839">If You Ever Come Back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire__waves/pseuds/sapphire__waves'>sapphire__waves</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:33:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire__waves/pseuds/sapphire__waves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the Reichenbach Fall, John returns once more to therapy. Will he be able to confess to his therapist what he always wanted to say to Sherlock?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sherlock Holmes &amp; John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If You Ever Come Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted on my tumblr: sunkisseddaffodils</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rain trickled down the windows of a therapist’s office that dismal Tuesday afternoon. There was a hesitant knock at the door and the middle-aged lady stood up and opened the door to see her former patient return once more. The psychotherapist gestured for John to come in but he remained there for another minute. She gently informed John:</p><p>‘Please come in. In your own time, of course’</p><p>John reluctantly trudged over to the couch where he sat down. He looked around the room remembering his sessions those many years ago. His therapist picked up her notebook, sat down in the therapist’s chair and began writing down notes as she asked John:</p><p>‘You seem to be very deep in thought. How are you feeling?’</p><p>John answered quietly:</p><p>‘I just thought I would never have to come back here. I mean, I thought I would never have to have therapy again’</p><p>She responded with an empathetic look:</p><p>‘What made you come back?’</p><p>John looked down, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket. He couldn’t say it just yet. She asked one more question</p><p>‘Well, it’s been a long time since you were here. I presume you must have been doing well for some time?’</p><p>John slightly smiled as he answered:</p><p>‘Yeah, I met this man, Sherlock. I moved in with him actually. After that my life was completely different. I was too busy for therapy. It was like I didn’t even need it anymore with him’.</p><p>John continued describing his dear friend, the little quirk about him and their adventure’s solving crimes together. The therapist nodded, listening intently.</p><p>‘It sounds like Sherlock is very important to you’</p><p>John shook his ‘yes’, his smile turning to a frown. The therapist cautiously enquired:</p><p>‘You seem to have to have some undealt emotions with this man’</p><p>John responded:</p><p>‘It’s not like I could ever deal with them now’<br/>
The therapist queried puzzled:</p><p>‘Oh? And why’s that?’</p><p>John gulped, it was like his mind was desperately trying to stop him from saying it.</p><p>‘He’s gone’, he said his voice breaking</p><p>The therapist offered him some water while she waited for John to settle down to ask the next question:</p><p>‘Gone where?’</p><p>John really didn’t want to say it. If he said it then it would become reality. He just sat there for a few minutes, building up the courage. If he didn’t say it, then what was the point of coming to this session in the first place`? He could just return home where he would lie around all day doing nothing. The therapist was patient and understanding waiting for his answer and then suddenly, it just came spilling out.</p><p>‘He took his life’</p><p>The world colour’s seemed to drain even further as that word’s left his mouth. The therapist reassured John</p><p>‘That must have been very hard for you to say.’</p><p>She continued:</p><p>‘You don’t have to go further into details if that’s too upsetting for you’</p><p>John jumped up, bunching his fists together</p><p>‘No. I do wanna say something. How could he be so selfish? Just leaving me behind like this?’</p><p>The therapist comforted John:</p><p>‘That’s a completely understandable way of feeling. It’s okay to feel angry’</p><p>John slumped back onto the settee, sighing and rubbing his eyes.</p><p>‘No, I’m not angry at him. I’m furious with myself. Maybe I could have stopped him’</p><p>The therapist continued to listen as all of John’s emotion’s came flooding out:</p><p>‘You know, sometimes I go back to where he fell. I go over the scene again and again in my head. Hoping something would change’</p><p>John kept speaking</p><p>‘It’s like if I  keep going there, I can change his mind and turn it all around. I know it seems crazy'</p><p>The therapist confidently assured him.</p><p>‘John, you’ve experienced a traumatic event. Your mind is naturally gonna keep going over that scene and scene again and again. The pain won’t completely go away but it will help to come to these sessions.’</p><p>John seemed to refuse as he answered:</p><p>‘I don’t want help. I want him to come back’</p><p>The clock ticked past the hour, informing them that their session was up. As the therapist was packing up and John was leaving, he quickly turned back and uttered to her;</p><p>‘I’ve never said this to anyone. But I’m telling you. I loved him. And I’ll never get to tell him that’.</p>
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